Ian's Anniversary Speech
by Lancelotlaureate
Summary: Barbara tries to save the day when Ian's wedding anniversary speech takes an unexpected turn.


With sweaty palms and trembling hands, Ian Chesterton stood at the front of the hall ready to deliver his 25th anniversary speech to a room full of his family and friends. Ian had spoken in front of classes of unruly pupils and had given lectures at various universities and was already used to the custom of public speaking, and yet, there, about to give a simple heart-warming speech about his life with Barbara was the most nerve-wracking thing he'd done in a long time. He had fought Saracen warriors and giant ants and yet standing on a stage in front of his nearest and dearest suddenly eclipsed those moments to take the number one spot for frightening experiences.

Barbara had insisted that his speech was a nice idea but that it wasn't important in the grand scheme of things and she didn't mind what he said even if he threw in a couple of silly puns which he was often fond of doing. But Ian had wanted the speech to be perfectly special. Trouble was he was never one with his words, especially emotional declarations and so he had drunk a lot of wine before the speech was to take place- anything to calm his nerves. Moments before he was due to read his speech he still had no idea what to say and he wondered why he worried so much, who would judge him? But that didn't stop him drinking more than an entire bottle of wine.

"Everyone, if I could have your attention please!" Ian said finally as he stumbled onto the stage opting for the unconventional route of clambering up the side drunkenly rather than going up the three steps. Barbara followed him, herself sober and choosing the correct path onto the stage.

"Ladies and gentlemen," he continued with a bellow louder than he had anticipated. "Thanks for joining myself and my good lady wife on what is a most important occasion- twenty five years since Barbara became a Chesterton. Let's give a hand for Barbara!"

There was a big round of applause and Barbara felt her cheeks flushing furiously. Ian too was flushed and red but she suspected for an entirely different reason.

Ian cleared his throat but when he spoke his words came out slurred. "What can I say about me and Barbara, what can I say about Barbara and me? Well it's a story and all stories have a beginning so I'll start there. I first met Barbara at Coal Hill school in the year 1962, or was it 1961, no I think it was two? She was in the classroom next to mine and never more has it been said that not only did we have chemistry between us but also that now we have a lot of history too."

Barbara rolled her eyes upwards and looked at the sea of faces, most of them were grinning with amusement.

"We didn't fall for each other right away of course. It was after we got kidnapped at Totter's Lane junkyard."

There was a loud gasp from the audience as well as a shriek from Barbara. "Ian," she called lightly, waving her arms at him to get his attention. "Ian darling, perhaps you should sit down."

"Barbara, I'm telling our story stop interrupting! Now where was I?" He took a concentrated look into the distance. "It was Barbara's idea to stalk one of our pupils and her elderly grandfather. He was a lame man and Susan knew things but was slow on others."

Barbara made her way across the stage to Ian's side hurriedly and grabbed his arm. "Ian darling I think you've had too much to drink. I think what he means is," she said, directing herself to the crowd. "Is that we 'walked' to the junkyard to help our pupil and her grandfather."

Ian wagged his finger at her limply. "It was bigger on the inside."

"Yes dear," Barbara cut in. "The junkyard looked much bigger on the inside." She let out a nervous laugh as Ian got ready to resume his talk.

"And that's where our journey began."

"Yes we went on a date didn't we darling? Tell them about the date."

"Oh yes lots of dates," Ian replied. "64 AD, 1190, the years of Marco Polo…"

Barbara's eyes widened in horror and she felt a sudden pounding in her temples. It seemed as though the hours were passing and it still wasn't over and done with. Why was he telling everyone this? Why were all their secrets they'd kept for twenty-five years now being revealed in the most embarrassing way just because he couldn't hold his liquor?

"Which were all the names of wonderful museum exhibits we visited," she said, hoping that it might help, but she was certain it wouldn't.

Barbara soon became worried as she simply couldn't stop her husband talking and revealing all about their adventures in time and space. She was also aware that everyone was watching her with fixated eyes, but she couldn't budge Ian from his spot on the stage and every time she did manage to push him away, he simply walked back into position like a disobedient puppy.

"I started falling for her quite quickly," Ian said looking at Barbara admiringly. "We met some funny looking metal things and I climbed inside one of them, cramped it was with only a few controls."

"Dodgems!" Barbara said before he got the chance to continue. "We sat in dodgems at the funfair."

"Yes, there was a strange sort of goo inside."

"You spilt your drink."

"And I'll never forget the sight of seeing Barbara grabbed by large arms as she tried to grab the key."

There was a look of confusion from Ian's friends and family as they watched a drunken Ian reach his arms out and move them in robotically, acting out the scenario in pantomimic fashion.

"I think what Ian means is that he grabbed me in a large hug on the dodgems and then I gave him the key to my heart."

The crowd tilted their heads to the side as if they understood and made cooing noises. Barbara couldn't believe how good she was at covering for him.

Ian laughed loudly. "Yes, yes and we've been through so much together. On one occasion we were locked in a giant briefcase about to be devoured by a large cat."

Barbara's teeth clenched. "The world's fair!" she spluttered. "Full of wonderful exhibits, yes we had many dates didn't we darling?" She wiped her brow with her sleeve and sighed.

Ian turned to her and whispered. "Should I mention Cocky-Lickin?"

She sighed again, remembering Ian's unique term for the name of the creature Koquillion on the planet Dido. "No Ian, you will not mention Cocky-Lickin, now be quiet."

He nodded and wobbled on the spot, his legs feeling a little like jelly. "Of course the real time of horror for Barbara was in the Caesar's palace."

"I lost a lot of money on the gambling table," Barbara chipped in quickly.

"And through it all we got stronger as a couple," he said as though he hadn't heard a word Barbara had said to defend them. "Voords, Opteras and Mechanoids couldn't stop us falling in love."

Members of the audience looked bewildered at one another and they glanced at Barbara for some explanation or possibly a translation to what on earth he was talking about. She was finding it increasingly difficult to keep up with his ramblings.

"There were people against us I suppose is what he means. We were pushed together during tough circumstances."

"My favourite thing though," Ian said as he put his arm around his wife. "It was me being knighted so I could rescue you."

"Pull the other one!" one of Ian's relatives shouted from the front row.

"No, no, it's all true," Ian protested with an array of hiccups emerging from his mouth. "She's my Sir Ian and I'm her Lady Barbara."

"Too much information!" another relative shouted. "Call it a 'knight' Sir Ian!"

Ian scowled. "I'm not finished! Well then, where was I? Oh yes, after I tore off Barbara's cardigan twice and we got rid of Fred, we were ready to make our final journey home."

Barbara shielded her face with her hand in embarrassment. There was nothing she could say to cover up how insane he sounded and how mortified she felt at that moment. She was even more humiliated when he started to demonstrate the way he tried to unravel her cardigan with his teeth by gnawing at his own shoulder. She swore she'd never give him alcohol again if they ever survived the speech!

Ian next began swaying from side to side and noticing her husband was leaning too much in one direction and was seconds away from falling off the stage completely, she held onto him and propped him upright. At the same time she mouthed an apology to their family and friends who had been most patient, although looking at their faces, they seemed just as entertained as they were bemused.

Ian cleared his throat another time. "We arrived home in 1965 and that's where we had our first real kiss. We would miss the Doctor but three's a crowd so they say. I was her servant, her knight in shining armour and her one true love. What started off as a mild curiosity in a junkyard…"

He paused when he saw Barbara's disapproving glance. "Don't look at me like that darling- that line's not copyrighted," he whispered. "So yes, what started off as a mild curiosity in a junkyard turned into quite a spirit of adventure and the beginnings of a love story for me and Barbara, that is…for Ian and Barbara…Barbara and Ian…Barbara Ian, oh…Barbarian." He chuckled. "I like that…Bar-bare-ian."

Barbara rubbed his arm softly. Even though to the audience he was spouting total nonsense, to her it made some peculiar romantic sense and it was sort of like their own little language that no-one else could decipher. She smiled. In that way it felt special and although Ian was embarrassing her immensely she would never swap him for anyone. She took his hand in hers. "Ian, I think its time to end the speech."

He nodded and mimed raising an imaginary glass. "To my darling wife who I love with all my heart."

Barbara knew he'd never usually declare his love for so openly in front of others- usually it was just the two of them so it felt quite strange but she had to admit it was very lovely.

"To Ian and Barbara!" shouted one of Ian's many cousins. "Happy Anniversary!"

Barbara kissed Ian on the lips gently and then slapped him on the arm. "Come on Sir Ian," she whispered as they walked hand in hand off the stage, this time down the steps.

Ian frowned. "I don't think anyone believed me about any of that."

"No I don't think they did thankfully, but don't worry I know the truth and it'll always be our little secret. We have done some incredible things in our time you and me, but I think perhaps in the future you can do the fighting and I… better do the speeches."


End file.
